We’re talking about choices and the power of choice in our lives.

I want to walk you through the next part of this exercise. 

So, if you didn’t catch the first video in this series, I highly recommend that you go back and watch it now. Listen to the 3-minute snippet there, and come back with a list of the places in your life where you feel you have no choice.

Once you have your list, come back. That’s where we’re starting today.

Okay. What do you feel like you have no choice about?

Look at your list and choose one thing to use for this exercise.

It could be any number of things. Take care of my kids. Take my kids to school. Take my dog outside. Show up to work every day. Listen to my friends talk about their problems. Take care of my mom. Drive someone to the doctor’s office.

Pick one. That’s what we’re going to work on.

For instance, from my list, paying my rent is my example.

Identify three thoughts that you have about your issue.

When I think about paying my rent and the fact that I have no choice but to do that, the first three thoughts I have are

• No one else is going to do it

• If I don’t pay my rent, I’ll get kicked out of my apartment

• I don’t want to move, so I have no choice

Pause here and do that.

So, identify your thoughts about the area where you feel you have no choice. That’s step 1. Pause here and do that.

Okay, now that you can see: these are the thoughts I have about that, I want you to identify how you feel when you think those thoughts.

For me, a sense of pressure and obligation shows up. Like, it’s just me. I need to do it, and that’s all there is to it. 

How do you feel when you think about the area where you feel you have no choice?

Then, I want you to rank your feelings about it on a scale from 1 to 10—say 1 is this feels really crappy, and 10 is this feels really good. Give yourself a score on a scale of how it feels goodness-wise. 

For me, with paying the rent, that feeling is about a 4 for me in terms of how good it feels. I don’t love feeling obligated or under pressure; at the same time, it could feel worse. 

How would you score yourself in that area?

Okay, that’s the work we’re going to do today! If you feel so inclined, you could go back to your list, pick one or two other areas and do the same exercise. 

Next time, we’ll get specific about how to shake this up and get a sense of choice and power back in our lives.

I look forward to seeing you then!

In this next little video series, we’re going to be talking about the power of choice.

What is choice? We’re making choices all day long, but we may not even realize it. In fact, a choice is only a choice if there’s something else we could choose. (We could have this or that.)

Unless we perceive at least two options in front of us, it may not feel like we have any choice at all. For a lot of people, that’s exactly how they feel in their lives. They get up, go to work, take care of their kids, take care of their parents, go to the grocery store, cook dinner, pay the bills. Mostly, they feel like they have no choice but to do those things.

But maybe they do! Maybe they have choices that they don’t even recognize that they have.

Choice is one of the most powerful things we have available to us. We can bring awareness to the places in our life where we may feel stuck, contracted, limited or constrained. We can bring the distinction of choice to give ourselves a new sense of aliveness and power. 

Eckhardt Tolle talks about this concept in The Power of Now. When we find ourselves in a situation in which we are suffering to some to degree or are unhappy, we have three choices:

• We can speak up to change the situation

• We can remove ourselves from the situation 

• Or, we can accept it just as it is 

He says: You have to choose one of those, and you have to choose now.

So, we’ll be looking at choice. Where are we making choices in our lives? Are those choices conscious? Or are we just going through the motions and maybe feeling like we have no choice at all. 

To begin, consider: where do you feel like you have no choice in your life? Maybe it’s some of the responsibilities that you have. List those out. At the top of a journal, write “No Choice” and simply list all the things you really feel like you have no choice but to do, take care of, or be responsible for.

As we go along, we’ll be evaluating those and seeing how we can bring a new sense of aliveness and power into those areas.

Alright, I’m looking forward to the conversation. See you next time!

Okay, I trust that you have come up with a couple of practices that you’re excited to get started on.

I want to give you a few reminders about engaging in practices. 

First of all, be specific about what you’re doing, when you’re doing it—and the “why” that you’re doing it for. You might have a practice that you only do three times a week. You have to be specific about the “when.”

I shared with you last week that one of my new practices is walking the block every day. I have to take my dog out anyway, so this is an easy everyday thing for me. For me, it’s every day, sometime in the middle of the day, when I take my dog outside, I walk the apartment block. My why is because I’m committed to moving my body more often.

The second thing to keep in mind is that resistance is normal.

You might come up with a practice that you know will support you in moving in the direction you want to go. And then you naturally find yourself resisting it, finding reasons or excuses not to do it. Totally normal! Anytime we go to create change in our lives, we’re going to bump up against some resistance. Growth requires that. 

Sometimes, all it takes to push past that resistance is to connect with our why. Remembering why it matters to us, and why we’re bothering to do it in the first place. But sometimes, the resistance is stronger than that, and we’ll find ourselves challenged to actually do what we know to do—even though we know it’s good for us.

That’s the perfect time to reach out for support. That’s exactly why we have coaches. (That’s why I have a coach!) So that when I hit resistance, I can be in communication and get the support I need. If you find yourself resisting what you know is good for you, reach out to me. Maybe that’s a place I can support you.

Third, it can be helpful to track your practices. There are a number of ways you can do this. It could be as simple as just marking on your calendar that you did what you said you were going to do.

I love it. I’m a paper-and-pencil kind of girl, so I love being able to hold on to something tangible and check it off. It’s very satisfying for me. You might want to create a note in your phone or make a spreadsheet if you’re one of those handy Excel people (I am not).

However you want to do it, it can be really supportive to track your practices as you go and see how much you’re accomplishing… or maybe how little you’re following through.

I hope this video series about practices has been helpful! 

I can tell you that engaging in these consistent micro moves over time has been amazingly life-changing for me. I revisit my practices every so often. I drop some when I no longer feel like they’re serving the intention. I adopt new ones anytime I want to grow in a specific way.

I’d love to hear from you about what difference has it made for you to explore your practices and make new commitments.

See you next month!

Let’s continue our conversation about practices! We’ve talked about what they are, why they’re important and the things that need to be present for you to take on new practices.

Now, I want to brainstorm with you: what practices might you want to try adding to your life?

When I did an assessment of my life and did my “wheel of life” exercise, the one area that seemed evidently lopsided was the area of health and fitness. I have a lot of stability and practice in certain aspects of my life. But in the area of my overall well-being and fitness, all my practices have really dropped off. 

Ever since Covid took over and my yoga studio closed and my dance community stopped getting together, I haven’t been doing much to move my body. And I know that really needs to happen for me. So I wanted to implement some practices in that area.

Remember, what works when it comes to practices is making them relatively micro to begin with. I tend to be enthusiastic and over-ambitious. A wave of enthusiasm will hit me and I’ll say, “Yes! OK, I’m going to this 4 times a week for an hour at a time” or something ridiculous that ends up not being sustainable for me.

I’ve learned the hard way through myself and my clients to keep things relatively bite-sized.

So, I’ve started a new practice of walking around the block. It sounds pretty simple, and it is. And so far, it’s making a big difference.

Every day, I need to take my dog outside at some point to do her business. Usually, I would run her downstairs, let her out for a couple minutes, and then run right back up and back to work.

Instead, I’ve started putting on my tennis shoes, taking her out and making one lap around my apartment building, which is basically a city block. It’s not huge and not a huge time commitment. If I have just a few minutes between calls, I can still walk around the block.

What’s happened so far, 9 out of 10 times, is that I get out and start to walk around the block. And because I have the time for it, I just keep going. I often make a big loop and walk through the park before heading back home. Super simple, and it feels really good.

Another practice I’ve been doing lately is in alignment with building my muscle to ask for help.

As I’ve shared before, asking for support or letting myself be helped is not one of my strong suits, and I want to get better at that. So, I’ve added this practice: every time I lock my door to go somewhere, I invoke my angels and guides to protect me and assist me in whatever I’m doing.

It’s a gentle way I remind myself that it’s okay to ask for help. I let the routine action of locking the door be my reminder to ask for help. This sets the tone to ask in other places and with other opportunities. When I come home and unlock the door, I give thanks for all the places that I was supported.

It really is helpful when designing or choosing practices, that you tie them to a specific thing, time, or day. Personally, I find it helpful to tie practices to the normal, routine things that we do every day. It makes them easier to remember.

Perhaps you want to strengthen your attention to your finances. You might want to develop a practice of logging on to your bank account every morning. That’s it. Just log on, take a look at it and log out. That might be a simple move to start with.

Maybe you want to strengthen your spiritual connection. You could make it a practice to recite prayers or invite some sort of guidance while you’re taking a shower.

Maybe you want to be better at connecting with your friends by nurturing your social life and relationships. Maybe a practice you could take on is calling a friend to say “hi” three times a week. I know someone who, once a week, writes a handwritten card to someone in their life expressing their gratitude and love. You could even do the same thing with a simple text message. You get the idea, right? There are all kinds of things you can do. 

Those are just some ideas. I invite you to look at the areas of your life where you’re wanting to improve and strengthen your abilities. Brainstorm some micro-moves you could make that will start having an impact on you now.

That’s it for this week. See you next week!

Now that you’ve spent a little time evaluating where you’re already strong and identifying some of the areas where you really want to get better, we can talk specifically about what it takes to have good, strong practices.

First, let me share with you a new practice that I’ve started doing. As I’ve mentioned, I have a handful of practices. Some go in and out, based on what’s happening in my life. They’re in my toolkit where I can grab them at the ready.

A new practice that I’ve started implementing is the practice of doing nothing. That may sound like not much of a practice, but it is one for someone like myself who’s high energy, easily distracted, can totally have shiny-object syndrome and finds it challenging to focus in-depth to do the mundane tasks of life.

This is an area I’ve identified where I want to grow. I want to be better at doing boring shit. I can easily get excited. If I get a new idea or have a project to work on, I can jump right into it with super enthusiasm. I can get a lot of things done really quickly. 

But there’s always a place in the process where it starts to get boring. Where it takes a level of detailed work that I’m just not interested in doing. And sometimes I can pass those things along to someone who’s better skilled at the details, and that’s great.

Yet, it’s kind of impossible to be an entrepreneur running a business like I am, to altogether avoid all the boring things. There’s certain parts of my life and my business that are not my favorite. And yet they need to be done, and they need to be done by me.

There’s a certain level of success that I’m unwilling to achieve if I can’t do the “dirty work.” I need to do the dirty work and just get it done. I’m practicing my ability to be bored and under stimulated and push through with a level of patience and grit.

So, one of the practices I’m doing is that practice of doing nothing. Every morning, it’s the first thing I do. I get up, sit on the sofa, and drink my coffee and look out the window. I’m not meditating (which is another one of my practices). I’m not writing my morning pages (which is another one of my practices).

I’m literally doing nothing. Just letting my mind move and bounce around. In the matter of 20 minutes that I sit there to do nothing, my mind is all over the place. I can feel the compulsion within me to pick up my phone and send a quick message or get into action on something. It almost feels like if I don’t do it right now, I’ll miss it, forget it, never do it. 

The practice is letting those little things come into my mind and stimulate me. Rather than immediately react to them, just let them be there and do nothing in response to them. It’s hard! It really takes something for me to just keep sitting there and doing nothing.

So, there are three things we need to have our practices be effective:

1. The willingness to do things differently than we’ve ever done them before.

Normally when a thought comes into my mind, I want to do it immediately. I’m resisting the urge by just waiting and doing nothing. Trusting that that thought is going to come back around. That might be uncomfortable and totally against my automatic impulses, but I’m developing a new way of being.

2. We need to have clear, specific actions to take. 

For example, I have a specific amount of time (20 minutes) to sit and do nothing. That’s the specific action I’m taking: to take no action. Like I said, I have a practice of meditation. Again, that’s a specific thing I’m doing in a specific way at a specific time and place. When you’re practicing something, it has to be specific and actionable.

3. Last and definitely not least: we need patience. 

We need patience and consistency to build a muscle. You don’t go to the gym, lift weights one day and all of a sudden have newfound strength. It takes a while. It takes consistency. 

You have to keep showing up, keep doing the work and see it through. But when that moment comes in your life when you need the strength, you’ll be so glad you did the reps, put in the work and built those muscles.

Okay, do you have those three things? Are you willing to do things differently than you’ve ever done before? Are you willing to commit to some clear, specific actions you can take? And can you put on your “patient pants”? Because it’s going to take a little time to develop this, and your patience is going to be key.

Next week, we’re going to brainstorm some actions you could implement to support your practices in various areas.

I’ll see you then!

Here we are, sliding into the end of 2020. I want to finish up this final month of the year with a conversation about practices.

Why practices? Why are they important?

I have a lot of practices that I do at different times, depending on where I am in my life, what muscles I’m needing to build and in what ways I’m committed to growing.

Over the course of the next couple of weeks, I am going to brainstorm with you, introduce some of these practices to you and help you see how to implement some of these micro-moves for really huge benefits.

As I was doing my morning practices and thinking about practices earlier today, I was remembering my high school days. I was a cheerleader in high school, and we went to state competition every year. I remember practicing for competition and being exhausted by the massive routine we were running through over and over. It had stunts, tumbling, jumps—the whole nine yards.

I remember asking our cheer coach, “Do we have to tumble? Do we have to do our passes?”

She would say, “Yes, you have to do them! You perform like you practice.”

There is something in that that stuck with me.

It’s similar with our life practices. We practice in those times when it’s relatively easy so that in those moments when shit hits the fan or the rubber needs to meet the road, we have developed the necessary muscles and capacities to weather that season in our life with a certain amount of grace and power.

Sometimes our practices are the only thing that keeps our head above the water when life is really hard. But sometimes it’s our practices and the capacities we’ve developed that enable us not to just survive but to thrive.

There are certain areas we move through in surprisingly healthy ways because we’ve taken the time in the easier seasons to develop these muscles.

It’s like going to the gym. If we want to be skilled in certain areas. We have to put in the work. We have to do the reps to build the muscles we need. 

When I talk about practices, I’m talking about specific clear actions you take on a consistent basis on behalf of a skill or an ability you want to develop.

It could be that you’re committed to being more patient with your kids, to be able to say no more often, to speak up at times when it feels a little risky, be more courageous in how you dress or express yourself.

Doesn’t matter - whatever skill or ability you want to develop, you’re going to have to practice it at some level. It’s very unlikely that you’re just going to walk into the game and start hitting home runs. You get the gist. 

To begin, before we start developing or reevaluating practices, let’s take a pause to look at where you’re currently strong and where you’re not as strong as you’d like to be. These are areas where you might want to develop some practices.

I invite you to do a simple journal prompt:

Here are the things I’m good at. Here are my strengths. These are the things I’ve practiced and I’ve got some real facility with.

Do a brain dump.

Then, take a moment to evaluate: where am I not so strong but would really like to be better? Meaning, on a scale from 1-10, you’re at least a 7 in my level of commitment to this thing or area.

I want to be better at ___.

Let’s start there.

Next week, we’ll look at other little things we need to do to add some practices into our life so that we can build new muscles.

See you then!

I hope you’ve been living the question: 

What if I didn't make myself wrong?

What if I didn’t judge myself?

What if I had more curiosity and compassion for this human experience?

Then what?

For me, this year, these questions have made all the difference. They’ve allowed me to drop my defenses and coping strategies. To soften.

When a situation comes into our life that shakes us up, we get a chance to see our defaults activate. If we can watch ourselves with curiosity and openness, that gives us a real opportunity to grow in ways that we wouldn't have been able to otherwise.

That's been the truth for me this year. Through this process, I’ve dropped my need to know how it’s going to go. I've faced the feeling I get when fear hits. It wants to control things and force outcomes and insert my agenda onto life in a way that feels safe and guaranteed.

I realize that life isn't safe or guaranteed. When I drop my defenses, I just have to be present with the underlying fear that's there.

Fear that things won't turn out the way I want them to. Fear that maybe I won't have what I need or want. I'll lose something that's important to me. My heart will break over and over.

When I sat with that fear without running from it, something entirely new started to emerge for me. A deep sense of trust in life itself and a newfound willingness to surrender to something bigger.

See, I believe there's a life that wants to live through me. that I’m co-creating with something bigger than myself. That there's a universal force—a life force, Spirit, God, whatever you want to call it—that is dancing with me and wanting to come through me.

I’ve long had a desire to trust that. In so many ways in my life, I have. I’ve taken leaps of faith because I was clear that Spirit was guiding me to do so.

This has been a next-level surrender. And very humbling, to be honest. There's not so much that I can control. As much as I want to think I'm driving this, I’m not always driving this. I’m in a definite co-creation, and humility is required.

When I dropped my defenses and I surrendered, something new became possible. For me, that looked like asking for help. I’ve been a self-reliant person for a long time, and I find it challenging to ask people for support in a vulnerable way. 

This year has required that I do just that. I have an amazing group of friends around me who've saved me this year. Because I've had a willingness to drop my guard and ask for support, support has shown up in the most beautiful of ways.

It’s a major shift from trying to control and force my way to waving a white flag and saying okay life, I'm listening. Help me, show me, teach me, guide me. I’m open to that.

So, when you drop your defenses and coping strategies, what wants to emerge for you?

If it doesn’t feel clear to you, and you would like some support in getting to the bottom of it, let's have a conversation. Sometimes it's hard to see the pattern that's blocking us. We can benefit from a little support. If that’s the case for you, then reach out.

That's what I want to leave you with today:

When your strategies fall away, what wants to emerge? 

And how can you step into that energy in a powerful way?

A few months ago I went on a personal retreat with my coach. I was largely on this personal retreat because I'm going through this big transition in my life and I knew I needed to let some things go and create something new. My coach set up a custom experience for me and part of that included working with horses.

Now, if you're like me, and you don't know much about horses, let me tell you what was explained to me -- horses are prey animals so they are always on the lookout for potential danger. One of the ways they register safety is when someone's being is congruent. When you show up and your insides match your outsides they feel safe. If you're incongruent, they don't feel safe and they'll let you know it through their interaction with you. It's a really amazing opportunity to get your energy reflected back to you through the horses.

One of the exercises the facilitator had us do is cleaning out their horseshoe. She explained how to reach down their leg, pinch in a certain place so they'll pick up their foot, hold the foot and clean it with the tool and then set it back down. Sounds pretty simple, right?

I go first -- I bend over, run my hand down the horse’s leg and begin to squeeze where she instructed me to. I squeeze and squeeze and squeeze. The horse is not picking up his foot. I keep squeezing. He does not pick up its foot. At one point, I kind of slumped over and wondered, should I give up or keep squeezing?

Finally, the facilitator tells me to stand back up. I stand back up. And then, she notices my shirt. My shirt says love each other. She says Oh, and look at her shirt, love each other. You know, it's really great to love each other and be nice, unless it's a pattern where you're being nice, but you're not being clear.

As soon as she said it, I started crying. I could instantly see the places in my life where I was really nice or really loving but I wasn't clear. I could see how my ambiguity often gets in the way of really having what I want and had certainly contributed to my current life situation.

That experience shifted the energy for me completely. I left that weekend in a completely different energy. I gave up being nice on behalf of being clear which I also recognize now is kind. Clear is kind. I don't need to be nice. What people deserve and what I deserve is to be clear. I've taken that into my work relationships, my friendships, and all other interactions I've had since. Let me tell you, it's made a big difference!

There's a way that my results are predictable when I'm being nice. It's a little scarier to forget nice and just be clear! But, it's totally working. I have this sense of freedom in my relationships because there's not any of that ambiguous, tiptoeing around, being cautious, kind of bullshit. There's just straightforward, clear communication. And it's so refreshing! It's exactly the energy I needed to move into this new phase of my life.

If you're stuck in a pattern and you recognize it's not working but you're not really sure what needs to shift -- it might be the perfect opportunity for you to step into a retreat space. Retreats are one of the reliable places I go when something in my life needs to move.

I'm holding a retreat in the Dallas area January 15, 16 & 17. It includes a horse experience which I can't wait to share with you! The retreat is called Into the Wild Unknown because that's what it's like when you leave behind a default pattern or way of being and step into a completely new energy without any guarantees of how things will turn out.

If you want to create something new for your future then you've got to have new energy. You must be willing to step into unknown territory. If your heart is saying, oh, yep, that's for me!, then click the button below to apply and I'll be in touch with you soon.

To freedom!

Sometimes, we consciously choose change because the life we want to live is requiring it of us.

And sometimes life gives us circumstances that we have to deal with.

Both of these scenarios give us a really great opportunity to discover things about ourselves that we haven't seen before. The vital tension that gets created during these times of change will naturally drive our default tendencies and coping strategies to the surface.

When life gave me new circumstances this year I saw my personality kick into overdrive. I wanted to plan and get busy and make my home all perfect and go go go in an attempt to outrun my pain.

There came a moment when I had to ask myself, is this how I want to move through this situation? Is this really who I want to be? The answer was no.

But this is the place in the process where it's really important to offer ourselves more love and compassion than ever before. Often when we see our default tendencies, we get critical. Then we try to bully ourselves to be different.

I should be more like this.
I need to be more like that.
What's wrong with me?
Why can’t I figure this out?
If only I were more (fill in the blank).

Can you relate -- Have you ever tried to bully yourself into change? You might create some new results in that way but the process is going to be extra miserable.

It's far more effective to love yourself into change.

I’m going to share the question I started seriously asking myself this year. I invite you to consider it and see what difference it makes for you.

What if I absolutely refuse to judge myself and instead I practice self-compassion for this human experience I’m having?

Part of what we see when stress is high are all the various aspects of our humanity coming to light. The part of us that doesn't want to hurt. The part of us that's afraid. The part of us that desperately wants to control how things are going to go.

If you don’t make those parts of yourself wrong in any way, something softens and new questions arise...

• Can I love the part of me that is hurting right now?

• Can I love the part of me that wants to hide?

• Can I love the part of me that feels helpless?

I may not want to keep using my default tendencies and coping strategies going forward but I can appreciate what they have provided for me and begin to touch the actual experiences beneath them. By doing so, I create space for new possibilities to emerge.

So before we go any further in this process, let’s pause here.

1. Consider whatever challenging or difficult experiences you may be having right now.

2. Ask yourself how you can practice giving yourself more love and self-compassion. 

3. Remind yourself: THIS is exactly what it’s like to have a human experience and I’m doing the best I can in this moment.
   
   You've got this! 

What did you notice about your default? What are the automatic ways that you cope with life when it's not going exactly the way you want it to go? I hope it has been insightful to explore and bring awareness to that.

For me, it's been really challenging to see some of those things about myself and to recognize the impact that coping and defaulting has on my life. But it’s also been a beautiful opening into a new energy that wants to emerge. As I have shared previously, when things weren't going the way I wanted, my personality kicked into overdrive and planning went into full effect.

I would frantically put pieces together to try to make myself feel okay. And I started to notice, as I became more aware of that default and how it was playing out, that underneath it was a great deal of fear. Fear that if I'm not hustling to make it happen, if I'm not putting the pieces in place the way I think they should be, then I'm going to go without. I won't have what I want. Life won't turn out the way I had hoped. I'll be missing something that really matters to me.

Now, of course, the irony is, all my planning and trying to control things in the past hadn't worked because here I found myself in a circumstance that I would not have asked for. And yet here I am. So, even all our plans and all our strategies, they don't save us from life. Life is going to happen. And really, there's very little that we have control over. 

Now, that doesn't mean that we don't have power in our lives. In fact, I firmly believe that you and I are powerful creators and that we're always co-creating our reality. Always. But we're doing that as a co-creation with life itself.

Life is sometimes going to give us things we didn't ask for. And what we do have a say in, is who we're going to be in response to that and how we're going to dance with that energy.

What I noticed is that all my attempts to control and plan my way through life were really bankrupt. That way of living wasn't going to work for me anymore. That's when I knew I had to surrender to something else. There had to be another way to go about this. Now I've long held this commitment to let life live through me, right? To trust my heart, to light the way and to be willing to courageously step in the direction that life is calling me to.

But, like I said, that's easier to do when things are going the way you'd want them to. It's a hell of a lot harder when things are not exactly how you planned. And now here I was and my planning was bankrupt, and I had to wave the white flag. Okay, life. Okay, Spirit, God, universe—whatever is animating this thing and making it all unfold. I give up. Maybe I don't know.

Maybe there's not so much to know. And maybe the life that wants me can't come to me through my mind, through my planning and all my figuring it out. But the life that wants to live through me requires that I surrender to the flow and let it take me where it takes me. I need a deep breath. I don't know about you, but that has been such a challenge for me. And it's required that I approach things in a much different fashion.

While I had been living this way for a while, this is the next level that we're talking about here. So, I began getting quiet and dropping my need to know how things are going to go.

Now, I don't know about you, but this is another place that oftentimes people don't want to take action until they have 20 steps mapped out. You know it's going to do this and this and this and you feel some sort of guarantee about the outcome, which is always an illusory sense of control and safety anyway. Because we don't know how things are going to go. That's the truer truth of it, right?

We don't know. And I've been asked to step into that I don't know in a big way—and to stay there, not grasp at a plan or a sense of knowing. Just to take the next right move as soon as it clearly emerges.

It's taken lots of patience. I've done lots of waiting. I’ve slowed my pace tremendously. I decided sometime in the summer that I wasn't going to create anything new or offer anything new. I wasn't going to create a program, sell a program or do anything. I decided to just get still and wait. And to play a little bit because that was the message that was coming through for me. Rest and play.

And so I trusted that because that's my job: to just trust what spirit gives me in the moment without having to know how it's going to all turn out. 

What's there for you when your strategies are bankrupt, when your default is no longer working? What new energy wants to come through for you? How is your life and the circumstances that you find yourself in? How are they inviting you to be different now than you've ever been before?

Get quiet with yourself and just ask. Ask your soul; ask your heart. What new way of being wants to emerge for me? Am I willing to drop my strategies and surrender into that?

That's the question we have to grapple with, and it's not for the faint of heart. That's the question I invite you to journal about and work through for yourself this week: If I drop my strategies and my default, what would be possible then? And am I willing?

I'll see you next time.

My work is all about trusting your heart. I lead retreats and coaching programs and work one-on-one with people teaching them how to quiet the noise in their head and listen to the wisdom of their heart.

I encourage them to trust that wisdom to guide them even when it doesn't make sense. Oftentimes, our heart is going to ask us to do things that don't make sense or that don’t fit within the conventional ideas of how we should live or how life should look.

This is what I teach people — trust your heart & let it light the way! So, at the end of last year, when my partner of nine years told me that he felt he needed to hit the pause button on our relationship, I was surprised.

We were engaged in couples counseling so I knew there were some things not working as well as we wanted. But all in all, we had a really beautiful relationship and a deep friendship with lots of love present between us. So when he tells me, "I can't quite explain it but I feel like this is what I need to do for myself and my growth right now. I just need to hit the pause button on this thing”. How could I argue with that? He was doing exactly what I teach people to do and what I believe is so important in terms of how to live — to trust something deep within us to guide our way, even when it's hard.

I didn't like the information he was giving me. It's not exactly what I wanted or would have chosen at the time. But I knew he was speaking his truth at the risk of hurting someone he cared deeply about. I really appreciated the courage and the bravery that took and, on some deep level, I trusted it. If that is what’s in his highest good, it is in my highest good as well.

I really believe that life is always happening for us — not to us. We're not the victim of what's happening. Life isn't out to get us. It's always unfolding in a way that's going to lead us into our next level of growth and into our fullest potential.

But I'll tell you, that's a lot easier to believe when things are going the way you want them to. It gets a little tricky when shit starts going off the handle. When someone you love is breaking up with you it's a lot harder to feel like, “Oh, this is happening for me.”

In that way, my experience the last nine months has really been about stepping into a greater level of trust and surrender to a greater plan. My tendency is to want to grasp and control and kind of force life to go in the way I think it should go.

Over the next couple of weeks I want to walk you through what I've been experiencing the last nine months and the lessons that have emerged in the process.

We don’t have to wait for life to jolt us before we start making changes. We can recognize that things aren't working quite how we want them to and that can compel us or inspire us to take some sort of action. Maybe we hire a coach or we go see a therapist or we register for a retreat or we take a class or we make some sort of change that moves our life in a different direction.

But sometimes life provides that for us whether we wanted it or not. Life hands you circumstances and it serves as a call to trust. A call to trust that, even amidst what's happening, life is happening for you.

So, the question I'll leave you with is, where is your life feeling a little sticky? Where do you have an opportunity to take aligned and inspired action towards causing the change you desire?

Or maybe you have been handed circumstances that have to be dealt with, whether you really wanted to or not. Can you take a deep breath and consider that everything happening in your life right now is for your growth and for your highest good? What difference might it make if you held it in that way?

Life is calling you to a deeper level of trust. What will you do now?

We'll talk about what started showing up for me in the process of adjusting and healing and reorienting my life without my partner, and how I've tapped into and surrendered in ways that I couldn't have imagined nine months ago.

 All right, thanks for being here you guys, and journeying with me. I'll see you soon.

You’ve heard me say that bravery is something you can cultivate. That’s what I want to talk about today.

So, if you want to be more brave in your life, work, relationships, and how you show up in the world, that’s a muscle you can build. First and foremost, make a choice. Choose to be brave.

I remember the first time I heard Brene Brown’s talk on vulnerability. (She had a viral TED talk that I heard 9 or 10 years ago.) She was talking about vulnerability and courage. And she said that the definition of courage is to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.

I remember then, something resonating with me, like “Yes! I want to be the kind of person who tells the story of who I am with my whole heart!” Something inside me made a choice, and it takes that. 

Ask yourself: Do I want to be brave with my life?

Just making an intentional and conscious choice is step one. Beyond that, cultivating courage and bravery happens when you look at the costs associated with not being brave.

There’s a simple exercise you can do. Take a blank piece of paper and draw a vertical line down the middle. One one side, write “cost” and on the other side, benefit. You can begin to evaluate and tell the truth about this.

Ask yourself: What does it cost me in my life that I don’t take brave action? Does it cost me intimacy or self-expression? Maybe people don’t really know who I am, or I have doubts about myself or stay stuck in the same place.

What’s the cost for you, that you play scared? What’s the benefit or payoff? What do you get out of it?

If I’m not brave, at least I’m safe. Things are predictable. I have a sense of control (even if it’s an Illusion). There’s some payoff or benefit that I get. 

Take some time to evaluate the costs and the benefits of not being brave. When you become aware of that, it makes it easier to choose. Next, you want to take action.

I’ve got a commitment to be brave. I know the cost if I don’t. I know the payoff if I stay in this spot. I evaluate… and I’m not willing to pay this price to stay in this place.

Identify an action you can take—and take it.

Again, this can be really simple. Like making a phone call to say thank you or I’m sorry. Submitting a resume. Asking for a raise. Saying something vulnerable to your partner. Dropping self-doubt and internal judgment about yourself and just letting yourself be OK. 

Brave might be speaking up and speaking out. Expressing a controversial opinion. It might be asking for feedback. It can be any number of things. Identify that one thing that for you that would feel really brave and then do it. Even though it’s scary! Even if something inside you is asking “Can I do this?” Yes! Do it.

Just like that, baby step by baby step, you create a wonderfully brave life.

I’ve got some ideas for you about how you can do this—suggestions and things you can play with. It’s not too late if you want to join us for the Be Brave Challenge, 5 days of tiny little brave micro-moves that can really transform your life.

I hope you’ll join us! Just click on the button below. I’ll send you an email every day to encourage and prod you along, and I’ll be right there walking beside you every step of the way!

I want to share with you how I’m being called to be more brave in my life lately.

Like many other white people in the US, I’ve taken more committed action recently to actively engage in the work of anti-racism. I’m doing a lot of reading, watching and listening—participating in a way that I never have before. 

For a long time, I thought of myself as someone who was not racist because I didn’t say or think racist things. I thought I was doing my part because I do transformational work that is all about responsibility and love.

Recently I learned that by not speaking up or not actively engaging in anti-racism work, I wasn’t actually doing my part. I was part of the problem. I was one of those people who enjoys the privileges of being a white person and never really takes a stand for equality and representation of black/indigenous/people of color. I was not helping dismantle the old system so that the people around me can enjoy the same freedoms I do.

I’ve been learning a lot about this issue. That, in and of itself, feels brave in a lot of ways. I’m in new spaces and out of my league. I’m opening my mind to new ideas and feeling vulnerable.

Recently, someone within my family group thread posted a derogatory, racist joke. I know this person, obviously; they’re in my family. I know that they’re a good person, and I was really inclined to do what I’ve done before. Roll my eyes, make an excuse and ignore it, basically.

I felt compelled to do something different this time. I felt that just ignoring it didn’t honor the new information that I had. I know that to just skip over it and say nothing makes me part of the problem. I can’t pretend that I don’t know that. But, it still felt really uncomfortable to say something. These are people I love and hold dear. There’s a potential that they’ll be offended or upset with me or that it would cause distance or strife between us.

I grappled with it for a few days but I did eventually reply. I said: I don’t like this joke, and it’s not okay. I trust that you hear what I’m saying with love, and if you’re open to it, I would love to have a conversation with you about the things that I’m learning.

Bravery is acknowledging the risk involved and then taking the action anyway because it’s aligned with your values and who you want to be in the world.

So, where’s a situation in your life where you could bring 10% more bravery? 

Maybe it’s communicating with your partner about your preferences or needs and showing up in a more vulnerable way in your relationship. Maybe being brave is asking for what you need or even acknowledging that you have a need. Maybe it’s raising your rates or asking for a raise. Maybe being brave is wearing a different style of clothing that you’ve always wanted to try.

Bravery can show up in many ways, but it will always involve inherent risk and taking action anyway.

What I know to be true is that bravery always pays off. Even if it doesn’t go the way you think it will, there’s something about showing up to honor yourself in the process that leaves you feeling more whole and satisfied than hiding out ever could.

Where in your life could you be 10% braver? 

What if you were to try out little moves of bravery -- How might it make a difference in your life?

Keep the inquiry going, and I’ll see you again next week!

Over the course of the next couple of weeks, I want to talk to you about what it means to be brave. This is particularly relevant for me right now because there are several circumstances where I'm being asked to go to the next level in my own capacity to show up bravely in my life and in my business.

So first of all, what brave is not. It's not being reckless, careless, irresponsible or self-centered. Sometimes when I think about following my heart or being courageous I notice I have an initial concern that if I'm brave and courageous, the focus is on me and somehow that's going to be hurtful or dangerous for the people around me. Maybe you can relate?

Notice what arises in your experience when you think about being brave.

Being brave is about acknowledging the risk involved -- physical, emotional, spiritual, etc -- then taking action in spite of that risk.

Now, that takes a level of discernment on our part, to be able to weigh for ourselves if the risk involved is worth the potential payoff. What I find to be true in my own life is that when it comes to matters of the heart, in the places life is calling me forward, there is an inherent level of risk involved in order to get to the next level. Oftentimes that risk is some part of our identity, some part of ourselves that we think we are that we would have to give up.

I recently had a conversation with a client who was wrestling with self-doubt. It was holding her back from fully pursuing her dreams and she was understandably frustrated.

I asked her, "what story would you have to give up about yourself to get on the other side of this doubt and take action?"

She knew immediately -- "that I'm unorganized and I don't follow through".

Here's the thing... it really takes something to let go of our old limiting beliefs and stories about who we think we are! There's inherent risk that we'll fail, look stupid, disappoint someone or end up hopeless when it doesn't work out how we'd planned for it too. It's so much easier to stay stuck in our old patterns. And by easier, I mean safer.

But one thing I know for sure is this -- for you to live the life that is meant for you, the life that is calling to your heart, you have to be brave! 

And the good news is that bravery is something we can cultivate! So that's what we're going to be talking about over the next couple of weeks. I'm really excited to share with you some things from my own life and what I'm discovering.

Brave actions can radically transform your life!

Are you ready?

Over the years, I’ve had to do a lot of intentional work around learning to receive. It’s not easy to receive. It’s vulnerable. As someone who typically goes after what they want in an assertive way, sometimes sitting back, waiting and receiving can be hard. Just being open and vulnerable is challenging.

I remember a particular moment when I had this realization. I was at a concert at an outdoor venue. I had found this spot under a stairwell where I could be up on a little step and see over the crowd and not have people walking in front of me. As people started to trickle in before the show started, people started gathering in an open area next to me. A girl and her boyfriend came and stood in this spot. (This was a really prime spot; I was excited to have claimed it.) 

Suddenly, the couple started moving around and the woman stepped back a bit. Then someone came and took the spot in front of her. As time went one, there was a moment in which I could tell she couldn’t see as well and felt frustrated. I thought to myself, “You had the spot right there! Why did you give it up?”

At that moment, I had the realization: someone can’t even give you what you’re not willing to receive. That may seem simple and obvious but think about it. It’s true! The universe can’t give you what you’re not willing to receive.

I have conversations with clients all the time about the places where they’re stuck. We work through an exercise to distinguish the limiting belief that is holding them back. It’s an incredibly powerful exercise; it always lasers in on some unconscious belief. It’s clear why they can never get the result they say they want as long as that belief is in place.

Imagine that you want to take your business to the next level, but you have a belief somewhere inside that if it’s too easy, you must be doing something wrong. While it might not make logical sense, there’s a belief that if “success” comes too easily, you haven’t worked hard enough for it; you must be doing something wrong.

If that belief is in place, you’ll never get the results you want. You’ll always over complicate things because of that limiting belief. Because if it’s too easy, you’ll feel like a bad person. So, the universe can’t give you the results that you want (getting to the next level in your business), if you’re not willing to receive them because of some limiting belief that you have in place.

Learning to receive is tricky in some ways. We have to be receptive and willing to look at what we’re seeing show up in our lives. If the results are not what they want them to be, we have to be willing to ask ourselves, “Is it just that I’m not willing to receive this?” You might think you’re working toward it but in some way be unconsciously blocking yourself. Is there somewhere that you’re preventing yourself from getting what you want—and don’t even realize it?

Maybe you’re like the girl at the concert who had the perfect spot for this amazing show, then gave it up and complained about not being able to see! That’s silly, but we do it lots of times in our lives, and we don’t even realize we’re doing it.

So, my questions for you are:

• What’s your relationship to receiving?

• Are you a grateful, open-hearted receiver?

• Are you getting the results you want in life?

• If not, could there be some unconscious belief that’s stopping you?

If you want to have a deep-dive conversation about getting unstuck, I invite you to reach out to me. I’ll move you through a powerful exercise. We’ll get to the bottom of whatever belief is stopping you. I’ll give you some practical ways to transform that belief and move beyond it immediately. I’d love to hear from you and assist you with this process.

See you next time!

Hey there! Today, I want to pull a card for you. If you’re not familiar with Oracle Cards, let me start there. I’ll be pulling from one of my favorite decks, Sacred Rebels.

If you grew up like I did (in a conservative Christian family in the south / in Texas), you might have a relationship to oracle cards that feels uncertain, scary, questionable or dark. 

I get it. I grew up with that understanding, too—that it was playing with dark forces or whatever.

I obviously don’t hold that belief anymore. I think it’s fearful and not based in truth.

I relate to oracle cards as tools to show us what we already know and may have forgotten. They can remind us or re-present something to us that we may have otherwise missed.

Take what resonates, leave what doesn’t. Don’t accept or take on anything that doesn’t feel right to your heart and soul. Let it awaken something in you.

There’s a distinct difference between Tarot cards and oracle cards. Tarot is based on archetypes, and there are always certain characters within the deck. Oracle cards don’t have that same structure. You can use them in various layouts or simply to ask what message would like to be delivered today.

You can mix and shuffle the cards however you want. Or spread them out and pick one that you feel drawn to.

Trust that the card you pull is right for you today. 

Okay, interesting! Three cards fell out. I keep drawing the first one, “Bring It Into Form,” over and over. It’s obviously talking to me now. First, notice what the image evokes for you. What does it feel like the card is saying? To me, it seems like she’s moving away from something and walking forward. That’s what it initially elicits for me. 

The second card, “Receiving,” isn’t surprising, given how much I’m focusing on receptivity now. 

The third card is “Seeing The True You.” Isn’t that lovely? The woman sees her reflection. Again, what’s the message you get just from looking at the image? What does it remind you of? What does it evoke in you? What wisdom can you take from the cards?

The descriptions of these cards are quite long; I am including the audio of the descriptions below for each card. Choose whichever one most resonates with you. If all three speak to you, take the messages given to you from all of them. 

May they remind you of whatever you need to know—right now, in this moment—for your highest good.

Card #1

Card #2

Card #3

Let’s talk today about honoring our own rhythms. Have you discovered for yourself that a lot of your experiences happen in cycles or seasons?

This became evident for me a couple of years ago thanks to a Facebook memory. I notice that every March or April, I engage in some kind of big undertaking. Some of the most powerful, life-changing programs I’ve ever taken have been in March or April. Some of the major life changes I’ve made have also happened in the March/April time-frame.

I found that interesting. I notice I get introspective and reflective around my birthday in July. I feel a momentum going into the holidays and always have a sense of wanting to finish the year strong. 

Maybe you’ve also noticed something similar in your life. So, why is this important and worth paying attention to? As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been getting the message to rest and play lately. I’ve been go-go-go since the beginning of the year. Here we are in the summer, and I feel the need for a rest. Part of me that feels I should be doing more, but since I’ve been paying attention to my own rhythms more frequently and lovingly, I feel I have a lot of space to give myself. It’s OK for me to take a break; I know it won’t last forever. 

If you’re a woman and you chart your moon cycle, you may notice a few things. There’s a time when our estrogen level spikes right after our cycle. We feel more naturally confident, outgoing and energized. Whereas, closer to the time of ovulation, an influx of progesterone makes us more foggy-headed and hermit-like. You may just want to relax and stay in. Your physical energy and how you want to show up in the world is different depending on the hormones you’re experiencing.

It’s cyclical—it comes and goes. There’s a predictability around it. I can rely on it and even schedule around it if I want. There are certain things in my life and business that I’m more drawn to want to do when my estrogen level is high. I’m more likely to create videos or show up for a speaking engagement. 

At the other point in my cycle when the progesterone is higher, I can work on more focused, in-depth projects. 

I’m looking at my own rhythms and what I need, and I think it’s a really valuable conversation. Do you know what your rhythms are? What are they? Are you honoring them? Or, do you feel that you should be “up” all the time and criticize yourself when you’re not? 

Nobody is motivated all the time. Nobody is upbeat and engaging all the time. Nobody is down and hopeless all the time.

The one thing we can know for sure is that everything ebbs and flows and changes. I’d be willing to bet that there’s a predictability to your unique seasons, cycles and rhythms. It might be really insightful to take note of those.

So, give yourself permission to honor your rhythms—whatever those look like. I’m sharing a couple of resources here to support you in getting insight into what your rhythms are so that you can begin to use that information in really supportive ways for yourself.

See ya next time!

Something has been on my mind lately. I hope it will resonate with you, too. Today, let’s talk about the difference between hustling and attracting.

Since the beginning of the year, I’ve been actively engaged in work and taking very little time off. While the Covid situation has certainly impacted my work (since I lead live retreats and that’s not possible under the circumstances right now), I also do a lot of online work. I started doubling down in my online efforts like working with private coaching clients. I found myself quite busy, and in some ways even busier, when we started quarantining and isolation. 

Now that is beginning to taper off and as two of my programs are coming to an end, there is a bit more space in my calendar. It feels really nice, like a deep sigh. Yet there’s a part of me that is compelled to hustle for what’s next, create what’s next, start talking about the next program, create a virtual retreat, make it happen. It’s a frenzied energy that’s constantly asking “what am I going to do now?”. 

But when I get still and check in with my heart, I keep getting the same message: rest and play. It’s gotten me thinking about this idea of hustling versus the more feminine approach of attracting or receiving.

I’m not a big fan of the hustle. I’ve done it plenty in my life, and to a certain degree, it works. What I’m referring to is aggressively, forcefully going after what I want. I have an assertive personality, so it’s easy for me to lean toward what I want in an active way. In fact, it’s taken me a lot of growth work to be able to relax and let go of the “I want that, let me go get it” attitude.

To be more open to something coming to me. 

There’s work involved in attracting and receiving, too. It does take intentionality to be receptive to what wants to come. Over the last several years, I’ve been making much more effort to work in ways that are less effortful. To be more receptive and inviting. Creating a space around me in which things can come to me.

It requires a deep trust that life is going to take care of me, things are going to work out, I don’t have to push so hard, and there are other forces working on my behalf. It’s a much more joyful, playful, light way to manifest and create. Play more, rest more, and when some inspired action presents itself, have the courage and faith to move on it. Anytime I’m feeling tired, burned out, resentful, or stressed—that’s my cue that I need to rest into play.

I only get in that tight, frantic place when I’m feeling a sense of lack or scarcity. When I’m in an abundant place, I feel inspired, motivated, creative, and receptive. 

I’ve been feeling a little pressure to hustle lately. That’s why I’m about to take some time to rest and play. I know this actually produces the most effortless and joyful results ever. I made this conscious decision a few days ago and started clearing my calendar to have time to truly play and rest. I’m putting some projects off for a couple of weeks, knowing that I can circle back to them. As I was doing this, someone in my community reached out and signed on to do some coaching with me. I didn’t do anything except be open and receptive and clear some space for it. That’s been my experience every time I drop the hustle and just become receptive: life starts unfolding in really magical ways.

If you find yourself burned out, tired, or hustling, find some ways to rest and recharge. Go have some fun, and trust that life is going to deliver exactly what you need when you need it.

See you soon!

So, I recently did a thing and I'm so excited to share it with you!

I was featured on the podcast Find Your Awesome, hosted by the brilliant Kelsey Abbott. For those that don't know Kelsey, she is an intuitive Human Design Reader, a Certified Professional Coach, Instigator of Joy and an all around badass!

“There is this fullness of who you are, and your personality is the primary way that you lose yourself or forget the truth of who you are.”

— Ashlie Woods

This episode is a deep dive into the Enneagram types. I walk you through the various types and subtypes as a way to help understand the motivations and behaviors we demonstrate and the motivations and behaviors of others. And there is a lot to unpack here. Often mistakenly viewed as a way to label people and put them in the box, the Enneagram, when used properly, is a powerful tool to help us be our full selves. Just a head’s up: You may need to listen to this episode a few times to absorb it all!

Today, I want to share one of my favorite tools with you. It’s a practice I learned from The Artist’s Way called morning pages. 

You may have heard of it before. Maybe you’ve even practiced this in the past. If not, let me tell you a bit about it. The Artist’s Way is a workbook for unblocking creativity. It was a movement when it came out in the 70s, with book clubs that sprung up around it. It’s written by Julia Cameron, who has been instrumental in many people’s lives, including my own.

I began working through The Artist’s Way workbook about eight years ago. I worked through it religiously and it had a great impact on me. There are journal prompts and different activities that you do in the book. One of the journal prompts was something like “If time and money were no object, what would you do?” It was in the process of answering that prompt that I had a vision for what I’m currently doing now.

So, The Artist’s Way and Julia Cameron have a special place in my heart. I’ll return to the practice of morning pages time and time again. In the moments when I’m feeling stuck, confused, tired, overwhelmed, or don’t know where to turn, morning pages are a go-to.

With Julia Cameron at the Gathering of the Creatives in Santa Fe, NM



It’s a simple exercise that literally consists of “brain dumping” your thoughts. That’s it! Get up, first thing in the morning and write three pages of stream-of-consciousness. (Two sides of one sheet and one side of a second sheet.) No more, no less. You simply write whatever is there.

It might be “I don’t know what to write. I wish I could have slept in more. My coffee tastes good. What am I doing today? I need to go…” That’s the nature of it. It’s not journaling in a traditional way; it really just is dumping your thoughts onto the page.

Sometimes we practice this every morning of the retreats I lead. I often prescribe it to clients as a starting point. Every single time, people have a great experience and feel that there is something to this. 

I took a class from Julia Cameron once, and someone asked if we should do our meditation first or morning pages first. Her answer was to do your morning pages first, then sit and meditate if desired. She says that meditation makes us okay with our problems, and morning pages compel us to do something about those problems.

It has a gentle, sneaky way of showing you what repetitive patterns are playing out in your life and bringing insights to what is happening. These insights can really make a difference for you.

So, get up first thing in the morning on three pages, no more, no less. It takes me anywhere from 20-30 minutes to complete the practice. Do it every morning consistently for a while. Don’t go back and read your pages. Don’t share them with anyone. Just get up, dump and be done!

Give it a chance. Maybe commit to two weeks of morning pages and see what happens. I’d love to hear from you about how this tool works for you!