You Need To Hear This Today

This morning I talked to a friend who is currently dealing with debilitating pain. It's so severe that it's preventing her from doing the normal routine things in life -- sleeping, walking, cooking dinner, etc. She is sleep deprived and exhausted by all of it and there doesn't seem to be a clear end in sight. As you can imagine, it's taking an emotional toll.

As I listened to her talk I could hear the self-judgment in her words. She is forcing herself to push through, keep up the same workload without rest, and is upset that her house has gotten out of control.

You guys -- she can barely walk and she is berating herself for not being able to keep her house clean.

Why am I sharing this with you?

Because we are all guilty of this! 

You have an experience that you convince yourself you shouldn't be having.

You're overwhelmed and tell yourself you shouldn't be.

You're afraid and tell yourself you shouldn't be.

You're angry and tell yourself you shouldn't be.

You're sad and tell yourself to cheer up because you shouldn't be sad.

You're joyful and start to feel a little guilty about it -- shouldn't be that either!

The Buddha taught the root of suffering is wanting things to be other than the way they are.

The tendency to invalidate your experience and think it should somehow be different is totally normal. And, it's really painful.

What if your experience is perfectly valid just as it is?

A few months ago I decided I was going to disrupt the frequent self-judgment and instead practice making myself radically right. When I caught myself shoulding about something -- I should eat better, I should be more focused, I should just let it go -- I would pause and ask myself:

What might be possible if I didn't make myself wrong right now?

I noticed my body would immediately feel lighter and I had more energy with which to handle whatever was happening in the moment.

You might believe beating yourself up is the only way you'll ever improve. But really, it's the very thing that keeps you trapped in a vicious cycle.

Try it for yourself -- The next time you judge yourself (probably won't have to wait long), see if you can drop the judgment and validate your own experience. Let yourself be just as you are in that moment and see what happens.

Don't be surprised if a wave of peace washes over you.

p.s. When you're ready to drop the judgment and step into more self-love there are a couple of ways I can support you.

1. Private coaching will meet you right where you are and help you get where you most want to go. Let's explore what it would be like to work together -- schedule a call with me today.

2. Check out my free guided meditations on Insight Timer. There's one specifically for cultivating self-love :)