Are you a recreational complainer?

My question for you today is: how long are you going to complain about that thing before you actually do something about it?

Everybody complains. Complaining is a normal, human thing. One of my colleagues uses the term “recreational complaining.” We all do that sometimes, right? 

We want to talk to our friends, family, or partner, and we just kind of want to complain—“recreationally”—about things that didn’t go the way we wanted. It’s a way that we connect, relate, and find empathy for the human experience.

And then there are themes you‘ve been complaining about for years but you’re not really doing anything to shift them.

Bring to mind an area of life where you continuously complain. Maybe it’s a relationship, maybe with a family member. You’re not really willing to cut them out of your life, but you don’t like the relationship the way it is so you find yourself complaining about it a lot.

Maybe you’ve been in the same job for a long time and it’s sucking the life out of you. You’re not doing much to change it but you continue to say you want something different.

Maybe it’s something about yourself, your body, your habits, how you feel in your own skin. Maybe you don’t feel like you want to feel. You’ve resorted to joking and making light of it, but you’re not really doing anything to change it.

What is your perpetual complaint? What is that thing for you that you just keep complaining about? What is it costing you to keep this complaint around? And what’s the payoff or benefit for you to keep this area of your life the way it is without ever doing anything about it. This cost/payoff analysis is powerful when we find ourselves bumping our head against the wall.

Take this one area of your life, and write it on the top of a piece of paper. Draw a line down the middle, and do a brain dump. What’s it costing you to complain about this? What’s the payoff? What are you getting out of it? 

Now, many people will immediately say, “Nothing! I don’t get anything out of this relationship being this way or complaining about it.” I challenge you to look again. There’s always a payoff for keeping something around. Dig deep; you can do it! 

I’d love to hear from you. What comes up when you get really honest with yourself about the cost and the payoff of this area staying like it is? 

See you next time!